Pep Talk: "Guts To Follow Through"

“Sweetie,” joked my darling fiancee, “Sorry to say, but you turn into a pumpkin again real soon.”

It was her parting shot as she slid into first-class on a Denver-bound flight from Kansas City. This simple dude from Missouri, who adores the Chicago native, was headed for a spot in coach. It’s the way we travel. It works quite well for us.

We were returning from an incredible weekend celebrating the community of Raytown, Missouri. Where I grew up. It’s a prideful place. Founded around 1848 byh a blacksmith named William Ray, it borders Kansas City and Independence, home to our nation’s 33rd president Harry S. Truman. It’s located east and south of the Truman Sports Complex - home to Arrowhead and Kauffman Stadiums - for sports fans scoring at home.

Each year the town’s school district honors graduates for distinctive service. I was one of six recognized this year. World-class pianist Thomas Brown, Legendary track coach (posthumously) Bob Craddock, business standout Bob Hudson, yours truly, basketball and public servant superstar Ed Stoll and law enforcement, counter-terrorism expert Kris Turnbow were members of the 2013 Hall of Fame class, the school district’s ninth.

It was a few days of immersion into the wonderful waters of youth - home, school and elsewhere. Kids who grew up in Raytown, Missouri in the 1970’s were lucky. We had role models to follow. Educators, public servants, coaches, parents and others did a great job of showing us the way.

The school district’s community relations department, led by Cathy Allie, did a great job of organizing a variety of events, including: speaking to students at each high school, touring our respective elementary schools, a community-invited luncheon, a visit to the city’s historical society and the actual induction ceremony.

We had great chats with the students. They asked insightful questions. We learned of the issues facing a school district with different demographics and challenges. I was blown away when walking into Southwood Elementary for the first time in 43 years, the tile was the same. Polished beautifully and warming to the heart.

I was blessed to speak to the Ray-South football team before its game against arch rival Raytown. Joining me for the Pep Talk where my two former high-school football coaches: Bruce Johnson and Vance Morris. This aging jock implored the current Cardinals to erase the pain of a disappointing loss to the Blue Jays in the final competitive football game of my life. The Cardinals got the job done with an upset win!

Another event, off the official schedule, was a golf outing. All the dudes that I grew up with playing golf in a two-man best ball on an absolutely gorgeous Missouri fall day, I played with Biff, Geno, Moon and Coop. We had a blast. Doug Maddox was tournament director. If you’re basing victory on what the scoreboard suggested, we got our butts kicked.

Everybody was a winner though for the time spent together. We agreed that a golf outing should be established annually each year on this weekend. Yep. The weekend the school district inducts another class, we have a golf tournament. It will bring us together more consistently.

Everybody was saying afterward, “We have to do this again!”

We do. Then one of the knuckleheads offered up a really good idea. “We should turn this into a charity golf tournament and invite others.” That got everybody’s attention real quick. “The money we raise would go to the Raytown School District and its efforts to provide the type of education each of us was blessed to experience.”

Bingo.

As the airplane streaked through calm skies on the journey home to the Mile High City, a truth dropped into my brain like a long, unexpected, birdie putt. It made me quite giddy. If we have the guts to follow through on what appears to be a pretty good idea, the following scenario could manifest itself: we’d get a chance to play golf at least once a year together, raise money for the school district and, selfishly, get my old man’s spirit off my back.

My late father used to organize, each year, a family and friend golf tournament in the Kansas City-area. So did the Maddox’s. Neither does now. It’s time to change that. It COULD BECOME an annual reunion tied around the Hall of Fame weekend, helps the education effort and allows me to, finally, look skyward and shout, “Pops, the golf tourney is back!”

Connecting with the dudes I grew up with, supporting the schools and honoring my old man. In my book, that’s terrific trio.

It will start with us, collectively, having the guts to follow through on our rhetoric. One thing each of the gathered knuckleheads learned long ago from the Show Me State community is that our actions speak far louder than our words.

Shame on us if we don’t at least try. What about you? Is there an opportunity knocking - home, work, school, community or elsewhere - requiring you to have the guts to follow through? Go for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

The guts to follow through. It’s what turns pumpkins into yummy pumpkin pie and far more important than first class or coach, right?

Pep Talk: "It's Our Spirit"

Keep it simple, stupid. It’s a phrase I learned many years ago as a graduate student at the University of Missouri’s renowned School of Journalism.

It’s a phrase that came crashing back into my cranium while seeking solace from the afternoon heat. I was hunkered down in the comfy and dark confines in a neighborhood hangout, The Cherry Cricket in Denver’s Cherry Creek North area. It was the first weekday afternoon since retiring from the Denver media world after 25 years. Time to celebrate the beginning of a new voyage. A cold beer on a surprisingly hot final day of September seemed appropriate. 

While seated at the bar, I was reading The Seasons Of A Man’s Life. It had been recommended to ponder while venturing toward a new frontier. The book, written by a team of sociologists, psychologists and psychiatrists led by Daniel J. Levinson, dives into the theory that humans certainly have a life span, a life journey, but also have a life cycle. According to the book, at 55, your scribe’s in the “Middle Adulthood” cycle. The book suggests that the middle adulthood designation means, in Levinson’s words, “The main tasks are to make crucial choices, give these choices meaning and commitment, and build a life structure around them.”

Amen to that, buddy.

So off we go into Victory Production’s wild blue yonder with courage and wonderment as our guide in winning the battle against fear and self-doubt. In all the years of speaking, writing and consulting about effectively dealing with change, challenge and adversity, one principle thought has never wavered: Life throws us curveballs when we least expect it. It’s a roller coaster and it’s absolutely critical to keep trying to turn life’s lemons - heck with lemonade - into sweet and savory margaritas. It can be virgin margaritas if necessary. You get the point. Are we going to be students or victims of life? Choose wisely, okay?

How do we do that? How do we somehow, someway, muster the courage and will to persevere through the tough times? Back to the “Keep it simple, stupid” referenced earlier, I believe it starts with our spirit. That intangible force that resides within each of us, if allowed to be activated in healthy and productive fashion.

Life of late has brought many wonderful examples of such spirit. For example: Three adolescent girls working their butts off while receiving loving care at Excelsior Youth Center in Aurora, Colorado to overcome horrific sexual, physical, verbal and emotional abuse. One of the young ladies is getting ready to graduate from the Center’s high school and has big dreams for the future. The other two, 14-years-old, are finally beginning to trust adults. As one of the girls admitted, “To let down our walls.”

The amazing woman who invited this simple dude from Missouri and others to tour the facility also demonstrates an incredible attitude. A woman with a heart bigger than the state she hails from managed to move beyond an abusive childhood featuring a mother who would drag her down the hallway by the ponytail. Compounding the problem? The angry parent would also bang this dynamo’s head against the wall a few times to make sure the insanity made a lasting impression.

Somehow, someway, the Texas native and her siblings persevered. It was not easy. Today Jamie Angelich mentors precious young women to press on despite the unimaginable potholes present. An admirable spirit.

And then there’s a young woman named Sarah. We had lunch together recently and the 33-year-old just knocked my socks off. The sports enthusiast was born with spina bifida but didn’t know it. Yep. The prognosis came late, when Sarah was about 2 1/2 years old. The challenges began to manifest about four years later. Since then, wow, what a ride it’s been: More than 60 surgeries and far too much time spent recovering from them. “It’s real tough to have a normal life when you’re constantly recuperating. I missed a lot of stuff growing up.”

As a high school junior, complications from the genetic disease forced doctors to amputate Sarah’s left leg just below the knee. Life had certainly changed but was progressing nicely until prom night of that year. Then an infection attacked the surgical area. Sarah went into toxic shock. Died. Was revived and spent many days in ICU, deathly ill. Flesh-eating bacteria forced surgeons to remove four more inches of the limb.

 As our time together concluded - organized by an awesome mom by the way - a vibrant woman who epitomizes the word “persevere” dropped this gem on your correspondent. “I don’t want to be known for spina bifida or 60 surgeries. I want to be known for my spirit.”

Amen, sister!

“Want another?” The bartender’s question ended my mind’s wandering. I was back in the moment, sitting inside a favorite watering hole with the book before me. I declined the offer and pondered the book’s passage about middle adulthood:  “The main tasks are to make crucial choices, give these choices meaning and commitment, and build a life structure around them.”

Amended, the phrase could easily read, about life: “The main task is to make the crucial choice to keep a positive spirit despite the unexpected turmoil, give that spirit meaning and commitment, and build a life structure around it.”

Keep it simple. It’s our spirit. That’s the easy part. Keeping the spirit alive and well despite what ails, that’s the real challenge. Good luck!

Pep Talk: "Enough!"

The handsome 29-year-old man plunked down across from me at a Denver-area coffee shop, smiled, and announced, “It has been a blessing to have been shot three times.”

How’s that for an opening line?

For the next hour I listened in amazement to Pierce O’Farrill’s story. “We were sitting near the front of the theatre when I saw him enter through the emergency exit and fire off a tear gas canister.”

That was the beginning of a horrific night in Aurora, Colorado. A disillusioned madman, hiding inside a gas mask, riddled a movie theatre with bullets. Twelve perished, dozens more  were wounded, several critically. Physical and emotional scars remain, and probably always will.

“I was hit once in the upper left arm, shattering my humerus. Twice in my left foot. The healing has been miraculous. I’m back to playing basketball again.”

The journey forward from the nightmarish moment has been a roller coaster. Grateful to have survived, remorseful in wondering why he was spared while others perished and fighting the battle between anger and forgiveness toward the perpetrator. The fit-looking young man focuses on the latter: Forgiveness fostered by his faith.

“I am asked to speak around the country often these days and share how my Christian faith, especially believing in forgiveness and empathy toward others, has been the foundation to moving forward.” 

I smiled broadly at O’Farrill’s mention of forgiveness and empathy being a cornerstone toward effectively moving beyond life’s disappointing and tragic experiences. We all have had them, right? Those moments in life where we’re wondering, “What the heck is going on around here?”

The defining occurrences arrive in our lives unexpected and unwanted. Rarely are they as tragic as what O’Farrill and others experienced on a warm summer evening. “I tried to escape but collapsed in the walkway near the front of the theatre. At one point, toward the end of the rampage, the gunman stood above me. I thought it was over.”

SWAT team members would eventually evacuate the sports enthusiast. A police officer checked his wounds in the parking lot and assured, “You’re gonna be okay.” Later at the hospital while waiting for surgery, O’Farrill asked for a Bible, his constant source of inspiration for the many challenges that had entered his life of late, including a relationship breakup, the sudden death of his mother and now this.

The greatest selling book in the world says something in Colossians that has been a powerful guide for the writer of this Pep Talk for quite some time. Yep. In the third chapter, 13th verse, it states, “Be gentle and forgiving, never hold a grudge...”

Now engaged - a love affair blossomed with a family friend turned caretaker turned soul mate - this wonderful spirit has refused to become a victim of circumstances. Nope. He has chosen to use this insane moment to become a student of the experience.

“It has given me better clarity to what my purpose in life should be. It has given me the opportunity to speak to others and encourage them to use life’s setbacks as a springboard, powered by faith, for a better future,” he says.

Whether others choose to embrace the faith aspect of moving beyond life’s challenging moments is a deeply personal decision. But one thing is crystal clear: The ability to muster the courage and strength to somehow, someway, allow empathy and forgiveness to win the battle against anger and bitterness, seems a necessary step in achieving goals and overcoming challenges. Faith or no faith.

Where might it be time to really just let it go? To just admit that clinging to bitterness and anger toward someone or something has been an anchor to the past that’s kept us mired in the muck too long? It’s a question I ask each week of the men I mentor at the Denver Rescue Mission. It’s a question directed toward you right now.

As a good way to achieve goals and overcome challenges, when is it time to just say, “Enough!”?

The goal may be dealing with a heartbreaking divorce, relationship meltdown, loss of a job,  or whatever.

Our time together ended. We agreed to meet again. As I watched him walk outdoors into the brilliant Centennial State day, that ol’ saying, “You’re future’s so bright you gotta wear shades” bore into my brain.

It’s the same for us. To venture into the brightness of a better future, we must let go to the darkness of the past. A good place to start is with forgiveness. Of others and of self.

Enough!