Pep Talk: "Prevail Against What Ails"

Chats with Patty. They’ve become cherished events of late.

The latest occurred while cresting the hill along Highway 36 heading into Boulder, Colorado. The scenic overlook area alongside the highway, a wonderful stopping spot for many as they head into the beautiful Boulder Valley of the Centennial State. Home to the city of Boulder and the University of Colorado’s main campus. This aging jock was headed there for media day for the school’s fall programs.

I was describing the beauty of the scene with a 78-year-old woman who gave me birth and continues to give me an earful of opinion about a variety of subjects. In our frequent chats, we talk often about what a blessing it is for us. Nearing eight decades on the planet, when many others’ her age struggle with cognitive and memory issues the daughter of Charles Perry is still sharp as a tack. Equally as sharp with the tongue. The huge sports fan would make Jim Rome quite proud. “She has a take.”

In a court of law, I would call my radio co-host Eric Goodman as first witness. He’s felt Patsy’s wrath more than once as she calls into the show to offer opinion. His look of “Oh no, what’s gonna happen now?” as I bellow, “Chatty Patty you’re on Afternoon Drive!” is priceless. She’s fun to debate.

As we continued our conversation and moved beyond my description of the beauty before me, we began to talk about something many families in America face these days; When is it time for independent, but aging and becoming more fragile, people to seriously consider moving to an assisted living facility?

The mother of four has a fiercely independent spirit and has been flying solo for quite some time. The thought of asking for help is a foreign to Patsy Sue as a day without a cigarette. Rare. She’s trying like heck to stop the latter and I’m hoping like heck she’ll try the former.

“Ma, how about this? How about we set a goal for a date that we could set in concrete as to when we’re moving?” Right now, the devout gardner lives in a rural-type setting in a quaint little home just yards from her landlords. I’m very grateful for this husband and wife team. They keep tabs on mom.

Transitions in life. They are not easy. I have always been a big fan of William Bridges. He’s one of the world’s leading experts on change. The former university professor has spent more than two decades lecturing and writing about effectively dealing with life’s expected, and unexpected, detours.

A favorite story from my first book, Kids Teach the Dardnest Things, centers on my daughter. When the, now, almost 17-year-old was much younger, like six or seven. We were flying into Kansas City, Missouri, my hometown, to visit family. The current volleyball standout at East High in Denver, had a window seat. As we approached KCI she noticed a meandering body that flows near the airport. The longest river in North America is in full-view upon final approach. “Dad, what’s that?” I said, “Sweetie that’s the Missouri River.”

At the time I was in transition after a painful divorce from this precious princesses’ mother and thinking of Bridges. I had just read one of his books, The Way of Transitions. In it, the author speaks about dealing with his wife’s death from cancer. It was tough. He was beating himself up a bit. Ya know, “Hey, I’m the ‘Transitions Guy’ I should be handling this better?” The California-based consultant was flying west toward home after business on the East Coast.

It was a beautiful and clear day as the jetliner, carrying Bridges and others toward San Francisco, streaked across our nation’s skies. He also had a window seat and began to reflect on the country’s great rivers visible from 35,000 feet above America’s Heartland: 

The Ohio, Mississippi and Missouri to name a few. Suddenly it hit him: Rivers meander. They twist and turn. Quite often, at those twists and turns, fertile sediment is dropped. Most of our food grows close to these rivers in soil made rich from the river’s meandering.

Could it also be true about life? The meandering, the twists and turns, the pokes-in-the-eye, kinda moments could also provide fertile soil for wonderful things - relationships, careers and health - to grow abundantly in our lives?

It takes a lot of courage to look at life’s detours with that type of attitude. It helped Bridges effectively move beyond his wife’s death and love again. It’s helped me deal with stuff and can help you too. I know, real simple to talk about, looking at life’s detours as opportunity, far more difficult to execute.

Let’s try like heck to give it a go this week. You. Me. Chatty Patty. When thrown into transition, those “What the heck is going on around here moments?”, cast fear and self-doubt aside and allow courage and wonderment to win. There is no guarantee of success but we’ll be better for the effort.

But don’t do it alone. Find some like-minded folks and encourage one another to prevail against what ails. We draw strength from one another for the journey. Good luck!