Anybody else out there raising a teenager? Please pardon the pun, but considering this Pep Talk is being written while zooming across the Atlantic at 35,000 feet after visiting the sights of Rome, including the Vatican, holy smokes.
It ain’t easy. A precious princess turns 17 years old. Beautiful. Mysterious. Athletic. Smart. Often irritated with her old man - me. It seems like yesterday when, as her father, little fault was found in my performance. Not so anymore. “Dad, you are so weird!” is the common refrain heard these days when she even bothers to utter a word, let alone a phrase, in my direction.
“Things will get better,” I’m told by friends. “In about six or seven years.” Wow. I guess it’s important to remember, patience is a virtue. Despite her apparent disdain for my existence, I vow to continue to show up. “Be present and keep your mouth shut. Let her do the talking.” Two pearls of wisdom offered from men who have ventured down this path before me.
It seems like just yesterday, although it is now more than a decade, when a little ballerina was sitting in a comfy chair in my bedroom, reading a nighttime story before bedtime. I’ll never forget the moment for its cuteness and its reminder to a great lesson of life.
I can’t remember exactly how old the blue-eyed beauty was but it was a time when reading before bedtime was a mandate from school. It must have been kindergarten, first or second grade. Early in the educational process.
For many years, on the vanity in my master bath, there was a framed copy of Life’s Little Instructions. 55 reminders to mastering simplicities and their potential to have positive effects on this journey we call life. It can be a roller coaster for sure.
So as we each prepared, long ago, for evening slumber, darling daughter was sitting in comfy chair and rattling off things like, “Sing in the shower. Wave to kids on school buses. Call your mom. Never go to bed angry.” Short. Simple. Truthful.
While I was brushing my teeth and listening, she began to struggle with a phrase that included two words that began with “e” and “x”. Those can be confusing at that tender stage of reading development. “Live your life as an ex.........” not an “Ex.....”
She was stuck. I took the reading source and read it aloud: “Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.” A bewildered look fell upon her face as she asked, “Dad, what does that mean?”
The question caught me off guard. I paused to ponder before offering, “Rach, I think this is reminding us that our actions will speak far louder than our words. I think this is reminding us to spend more time ‘doing’ rather than ‘saying’.”
As a jetliner races across the North Atlantic’s Labrador Sea and nears the northeast edge of North America, I reflect on a maturing daughter’s pending birthday. I hope and pray that she’ll never forget the truth, uttered in years past, of living life as an exclamation, not an explanation.
She couldn’t say it and didn’t understand it years ago. I hope she embraces it today.
At a time in life when things seem so complicated, I hope and pray she will find clarity. Being a kid these days is not easy. Tougher, at least in my opinion, by far than the days of my generation. God only knows what kind of trouble I might have found myself in the formative years with access to computers and mobile devices that allow instantaneous venting. We used to have to deal with issues and others face-to-face, write a letter or call another person’s home. Usually with a parent answering. Filters. Rarely a bad thing.
To all the other dads out there who feel distant from their teenage daughters, hang in there. We are being tested for sure. Let’s live our lives as an exclamation not an explanation. Despite the cold shoulder, let’s keep showing up. Let’s keep the faith that the grimaces we often see on our daughter’s faces upon our presence in the room someday turn to tolerance. Heck, someday even joy. You gotta dream, right?
Maturing kids, sprouting wings of independence and pushing our patience while stretching their limits.
Dads, keep showing up. Keep loving. Keep the faith and trust that former University of Colorado basketball coach Ricardo Patton was correct. Yep. Back in my sportscasting days I hosted the coach’s television show. Life as a college athletics’ coach is crazy. The pressure to win, keep kids out of trouble away from their sport and keep them focused on studies and staying eligible. There’s a lot going on.
When things would get dicey Patton would frequently pause, smile and suggest, “This too shall pass.”
When it comes to raising a teenage daughter and the feeling of watching from afar, I sure hope Patton’s words ring true. Let’s exclaim our existence by being present and always available to listen. At this stage in a young woman’s life, it might be the greatest gift we could offer.
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