Pep Talk: "Blocking Regret's Rush"

A while back, “Check the tape! Check the tape! Check the tape!” was the battle cry as two men drove south from Denver to Pueblo. It was your knucklehead scribe and the late University of Colorado football star Rashaan Salaam. Two dudes on the road to visit former CU Buffs now associated with the CSU-Pueblo football team. 

Friends for more than 20 years, we had lots of windshield time to talk about life, including laughing hysterically about the infamous (I was the “Buffs Guy” for Denver’s KCNC-TV back then) 1994 “Miracle at Michigan” play. The future Heisman Trophy winner (CU’s only) played a huge role in the successful Hail Mary pass. The talented running back made a critical block giving quarterback Kordell Stewart ample time to set his feet and lean into launching a football about 65 yards into the Michigan end zone for a miraculous finish.  History remembers Stewart, the tipper Blake Anderson and the catcher Michael Westbrook, but few mention Salaam’s key contribution thwarting a Michigan pass rusher. Over time, when seeing each other, it had become a running moment to joke and cherish, “Check the tape!” 

Rashaan was unique. Gifted athletically, intellectually and socially, to name just a few. When Salaam walked into a room, the energy changed. He was magnetic and tender hearted. But like us, the former NFL first-round pick had challenges. One was regret. We all have those moments, right? When expectations of self fall short? Salaam had regret for blowing, literally, a promising, and lucrative, professional career because of a pot passion. Injuries and fumbling hurt his NFL chances, but an addiction to marijuana led to poor work habits and an early departure from the game.

We talked a lot about letting go of regret on that drive to and from Pueblo. Simple, not easy. Ever been there? Sure you have. All of us have. We also talked about future dreams. The San Diego native had returned to Colorado from California looking for a fresh start. He wanted to mentor at-risk kids and promote CU athletics. He joined A Stronger Cord’s wellness outreach program and spoke to men enrolled in the Denver Rescue Mission’s New Life Program. They loved Rashaan. Everybody did.

But Rashaan didn’t love himself, at least not consistently enough. Many tried to encourage the 21st overall selection in the 1995 NFL draft. The past few years, mirroring his running back prowess, Salaam was hard to tackle, elusive. He would engage with that fabulous personality, then withdraw and isolate. About this tragedy, my mother posted on Facebook: “The saddest words of tongue or pen, these four words: It might have been.” Self-condemnation, for Heisman winners and us mere mortals, is damaging. Sometimes fatally. 

A 42-year-old beloved but troubled dynamo kept checking the tape. For us, it’s the latest reminder. Life rarely goes as planned. Somehow, someway, in a healthy and productive way, we have to accept the past, learn from it and halt self-condemnation. Rashaan’s tragic passing is a powerful example. If we don’t block regret’s rush on our soul, it can be a terminal sack on body, mind and spirit.